Making French friends

When I got to Paris to study abroad four years ago, we had a very comprehensive orientation, during which we were instructed in everything from French methodology to living with a host family. One of the workshops we had was about how to make French friends at the university. What we were told was this:

•French universities aren't like American ones. The students don't consider them a community, there generally aren't well-organized clubs, and many students still live at home.
•Students in French classes are encouraged to be autonomous. The professors don't really assign work at all. It's up to each student to decide what interests him/her on an individual basis and study that.
•French students generally don't go to university in a different city than the one in which they were raised, so they already have friends. And as French people can be quite cliquy and less open, it might be hard for us to make friends.
•Especially not in classes, because the French system is all about the professor "professing" and reading a prepared speech during which the students ideally don't ask any questions. Now, some professors in France can be open to the idea of students asking questions, but often that can seem like questioning their authority. In any case, you generally don't talk in class, so you don't have much opportunity to get to know your classmates.
•Since it's hard to meet your classmates, we should make an effort right from the beginning. Get to class early and tell them you're American. They might think you're exotic and interesting because you come from a different country.
•If all else fails, just try to meet one French person, and you can meet more through that one.

Okay, so they didn't really say all that in that way. But if you read between the lines, that's what it meant (obviously, my study abroad program was not disparaging towards the French university system—otherwise, why would they send American students there?). But either way, I followed the advice. In a history class, I made a friend because I said I was American (He's just passed a very difficult examination to be a high school teacher, by the way!); in my philosophy class, I met Alix (an American who had been living in France for a long time) and through her, met more French people; etc.

Well, last night was the "nuit blanche" or the night where Parisians stay up all night to see public art expositions and do other sorts of mayhem. But instead, Mélanie and I went to a party outside of Paris to see her friend from the north and her new apartment. At this party, I learned two things: #1, I am the life of the party! #2, French people follow the same strategies to meet foreigners apparently.

I spent the whole time speaking French, and her friends were very nice. At the end of the party, though, the friend who threw the party asked Mélanie if she thought I would ever meet up with her and speak English. Mélanie responded that of course, we could all meet up sometime and speak English, that I was nice, and that I wouldn't mind at all (this friend is currently studying to be an English teacher). Her friend responded that she wanted to meet up just with me, that she wanted me all to herself, then immediately asked me. Don't get me wrong, if she wants to come all the way out to Paris to speak English, then sure, I guess. But I'm not going back to Arpajon at night again. We missed the last RER and had to take an 80 euro cab back to Paris. When we got there, we saw the line for the art expo near my house (at the Bibliothèque Sainte Geneviève!) and decided it wasn't worth it. Too cold and rainy. So we got a crêpe and went home. Maybe I'm getting old because I don't want to stay up all night. Or maybe I don't have to, because I'm the life of any Arpajon party!!